I took a break from my monthly brunch-chats this month to give myself the opportunity to consolidate learnings and thoughts. It’s been quite the journey since moving back, and it’s easy to find comfort in adapting towards the norm here in Singapore. After all, it’s a country that culturally rewards those who conform and that treats detractors with heavy degrees of suspicion before finally endorsing their value. We have been working towards embracing our pioneers and mavericks, but we’ve still wanted to hold onto some of the foundations of what it took to get us where we are.

I’ve been thinking, therefore, about what it means to own one’s past, both personally and socio-culturally, while taking responsibility for one’s present and future. I had an admittedly complex childhood, with parents who were figuring out how to bring me up and a country that was unfamiliar to both me and my family since we were immigrants. I remember a good amount of crying and hurt as a child and not too much joy. It was only probably when I was 13 that I started enjoying friendship and opportunities and that was probably because I was able to find a space outside of home to define myself. I made a lot of mistakes and there was a number of people who hurt me along the way, but those were all exceeded by the thoughtful processing I committed to (this blog being case in point) and the friends and community that supported me throughout it all. It’s made me wonder how I ended up not being a cynic.

It’s the same at the sociocultural level. Everytime I converse with Singaporeans, we speak about our insecurities around resources, social stability and competitiveness. We’re able to cite events of past that have been important reminders of the need for pragmatism. We’ve been hurt and at the risk of manipulation before. We’ve built our core, not so much around who we want to be come but around who we have to be in order to prevent loss and harm. Our culture, at the societal level, seems to be one that is beholden to our past a lot more than it is aspirational towards a future.

So it seems like there is a gap. I am curious about what it takes to find ways to restore ourselves from the hurt we endure and to celebrate the strengths we’ve developed while directing our energies towards productive and positive futures. I’ve personally experienced the power of any form of counselling and coaching that has helped me process some of the things I’ve gone through. I wonder if at a national level, we too need some form of thoughtfully designed counselling to help us emerge out of our siege mentality and into a future that is empowered by our ambitions and wills.

At the end of last month, I developed a position that accepted Singaporean culture as the way it was – primarily security and stability driven with only practical justifications for embracing the liberties of its people. I thought that perhaps I was foolish to want to evoke a need for individual and community empowerment among citizens. But I had a dinner recently where someone shared their inability to get over their past and how they had chosen to fester in it instead. It was the first time I realized that we can’t let a society limit itself from moving positively forward. We have to encourage and empower, everyone at all levels.

Perhaps there is still work that can be done in making Singapore a better place for all in it.